Motoko’s got morning sickness at the mo’ and she’s got it bad–like no one ever told me it could get this bad bad. She is finishing her 13th week of pregnancy and she dry heaves all day, vomits occasionally (once every 2 or 3 days), has periodic headaches and abdominal pain, and has very little appetite (none on some days). What’s worse is that she beats herself up about not providing enough nutrition to the baby, which sends her into a downward emotional spiral as she recounts her shortcomings as a pregnant mother each evening.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I welcome adversity and even life’s little challenges. I pride myself on swift and appropriate decisions reached through sound logic. But Motoko’s current condition is not one I can fix with leadership skills or diplomacy. Logic gets me exactly nowhere in being the supportive husband I need to be right now, so I check it at the door each night when I come home from work.
I know she hasn’t lost enough weight to be seriously concerned (about 5 lbs; we went to the clinic yesterday, Dr. said “all ok, just eat what you can”), I know her hormones are responsible for much of her nightly gloom, I know my job right now is to be there by her side ready to help out with anything and everything that might make her life easier, I know better than to counter her feelings with rational arguments (actually that’s always true)…but it kills me that I can’t make it all go away. Watching Motoko suffer through intermittent spates of nausea and pain, hearing her fall apart at the end of almost everyday, well it’s just torture. When she’s not feeling awful, we’re able to just focus on laughing together, which helps to put everything into perspective. And if she weren’t enduring this for the sake of our unborn child, I might have advised her weeks ago that nothing is worth the torment that she goes through everyday. Well, almost nothing.
At this moment in time, the fact that human beings reproduce in the way that they do fascinates me to no end. Also the fact that some women have no morning sickness at all and others are utterly tormented by the changes taking place in their bodies leaves me in awe of the mysteries of human biology.
I’ll admit that I used to harbor some worries about Motoko being a bit too dependent on me–she prefers me to handle the business, finances, travel arrangements, our social lives, communication with the landlord, and even cooking (when time permits). I can see now, however, that this pregnancy is just the beginning of Motoko really coming into her role as a strong, decisive and independent mother and wife, who will continue to bring far more to the proverbial table than I could dream of.
I can say with confidence that, apart from what we pray will be a healthy childbirth, the best thing to come of Motoko’s extreme discomfort is the profound respect and appreciation that I have achieved for her during the process. She is so caring and gentle, determined and selfless. She hasn’t once considered taking pharmaceuticals to ease her symptoms or complained about even one of her new responsibilities. I am so proud of her, and I am incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to raise a child with such an amazing woman.
That’s what she needs to hear, again and again, until the sickness and the pain and the depression are gone.
Thanks for reading along while I wrung this out of my parched and weary head.
Much love,
Steve
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